What does she really want? What does she really need? What does she really desire? This past week has been amazing in so many ways. I’ve seen her open up like never before, and it was beautiful. I’ve felt myself open up like never before, and it feels awesome! I started down this path not knowing where it was leading, but with one concern (the concern that prompted the start of this blog): what fundamental needs of hers are not being met, being a bisexual in a traditional monogamous heterosexual relationship? What affects will this have in the long term if they’re not met? Sex talk for a while has mainly been the inclusion of a mysterious, unnamed third person – another girl. Even outside of sex talk she’s revealed another girl as being such a huge turn-on. After a couple open, honest, revealing talks (mentioned earlier), I researched bi-poly relationships (bisexual polyamorous). I wanted to prepare myself for if she wanted to explore this fantasy in real life. I wanted to know the fundamentals, the good, the bad, and the ugly truth of polyamory. Wikipedia has a great, detailed explanation of everything polyamorous. It wasn’t as bad as I thought, and it seemed more realistic. In a way, it seems to force such noble ideals as trust, openness, honesty, fidelity, communication, and mutual respect – things that are necessary foundations of any strong, successful relationship except this would be times two. I found a lesbian couple who had an ad out seeking a third woman for a long term triad relationship. I emailed the woman who posted the ad asking many questions about real life triads and how they told their kids, how they are received by their families and their community.
With sufficient research behind me, we did discuss her fantasies and her needs and the possibilities to fulfill them. Just as I thought we were connecting on the same page so completely, she said she had mulled it over and was thinking if we did bring a girl into our relationship, then it would be her right to sleep with other men – since I would be fucking another girl. Right then, in my mind, I scrapped the whole idea of fulfilling her bisexual needs through a polyamorous triad. Either she is already getting very jealous (which is said to be the biggest hurdle to overcome in such relationships), or she has other needs that she hasn’t shared with me yet (if there are any other possible reasons, please share with me!). That statement sounded to me like the point of all of this was totally lost. I thought the whole point was to address deeper bisexual needs that would almost need to be forever repressed if we didn’t either break up or find a solution to her desires to also be with women. I reminded her that all my needs are already met, so I don’t have any unresolved sexual repressions and this is about her needs. I’m not wanting an open relationship. I don’t want to sleep around, just like I don’t want my life partner to sleep around. A polyamorous triad seems like the best solution: a third person we share and continue to be faithful to each other. Three mutual lovers who genuinely care about each other. Open, honest, faithful. Her mentioning her “right” to sleep with other men makes me feel she’s not getting her heterosexual needs met by me. It is a big blow (that’s what she said) to my masculine security. She was quickly becoming very closed off and defensive that I just told her that if she needed a one-sided open relationship so that she can sleep with other women AND men, that she should just do it. She said that’s not what she wants, but who knows what she really wants – or needs. I thought I had an idea, but I guess I was wrong.
When I tried to bring it up again later, she vehemently claimed she explained herself completely and we talked a lot about it already. She originally stated her “right” not too long prior at a time when we were not in a position to discuss anything at the moment, and there was no explanation or discussion anytime thereafter, so I guess she’s feeling maybe cornered or maybe like she misspoke or maybe she needs time to collect her thoughts and feelings first before saying anything more. I have no idea. I just know she was once so open this week and it was beautiful, and now she’s such a mystery once more.
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