Sometimes they manage to ruin even the simplest of pleasures in my life. After a particularly rough 2 hour talk on the way back home from my grandparents house (10 hr trip, fml) I thought that the rest of the car ride would be peaceful. With 4 hours left I got a text message from the girl who invited me to youth group and is pretty much, awesome. We’ll call her E. Anyways, E texted me and asked if I wanted to go to a sleepover tonight at L’s house tonight. Before I could respond she texted me again with another option, spending the night at (shit, this girls name starts with E too!…we’ll call her E2x ahaha) E2x’s house. Either way, she just wanted to know if I could hang out. I got excited as almost anyone would and told her that I should be back in time to go to either one with her.
Then I told my parents that I was going to spend the night at someones house. My father then began his speech. In which he said something to the gist of “You know what I think? Well, I’m going to tell you what I think. I’m so encouraged. I really think you don’t want to be gay. You want to form right relationships with females and right now you just struggle saying that. I believe you can change and I really do trust you to go spend the night at a girls house.”
Meanwhile I’m sitting in the back thinking wtf and tearing up. He went on for a little about how he wouldn’t allow me to spend the night at someones house if he thought I was truly gay and seeking out a partner. And then when it was all done with he asked why I was upset. Why am I upset?! Fucker. He ruined it. He made me feel so…dirty, so wrong. As if there would be reason to not trust me to spend the night at a friends house? I know he was saying that he did trust me, but his reason for trusting me is wrong. He should trust me because I can be friends with females and not want to fuck them. His reason for trusting me should not be that he thinks I honestly don’t want to be gay but that I’m afraid to say it.
I’M GAY. I’M GAY.
As proud2badork put it:
“I am a
Box lunching
Carpet munching
Flag waving
Vag craving
Skirt peeking
Relationship seeking
Melissa Ethridge singing
Tool belt bringing
Playing for the L team
Living the gay dream
U-hauling
Girl calling
Softball player
Couldnt be gayer
Chasing rainbows
Shopping at Lowes
Cat owning
Woman moaning
Spider killing
Emotion spilling
Girl scouter
Closet outer
After sex holding
Mismatched clothing
Ellen fan
Dress like a man
Olivia Cruise booking
Hot lady looking
Strap on donning
Mow the lawning
Gay pride marching
Back arching
G spot locator
Roller derby skater
Wardrobe sharing
Boob staring
Lesbian.”
And although I’m nearly an adult, I feel as if they are stealing the little things left I have. I wanted to go spend a crazy night out with some girls from my English class. I didn’t want to “go find a partner”. They just don’t get why their encouragement makes me feel like shit. Needless to say, that ruined my excitement and I shall now spend the night a home. UGH. I need to work on not allowing them to get at me like this.
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